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Sadly, your experience is
not unique. Often times the
only way some people know how
to be loved is to inspire hate,
which of course isn't long
term and isn't honest. I can't
tell if you are still with
your husband — but obviously
the first step would be to
leave — for your own
sake, but also for your children's
sake. That is certainly not
a healthy environment for them — and
plus over time they might interpret
your staying as your being
complicit. They need to know
that you can stand up against
this — not that you have
to be heroic, but they have
trust that you are going to
do what is best for you and
them. Whether it's truth or
stereotype — they see
you as your protector and thus
you need to rise to that occasion.
I know that's not easy, but
it's harder to tolerate a bad
situation. And they might be
more susceptible to his manipulation
because they don't see you
doing otherwise. I don't think
you need to burden them with
too much of your process, but
I think they do more what they
see than what they hear.
I hope that helps — and
certainly you should be in
touch with a local lawyer (perhaps
legal aid) and also a domestic
violence resource — 800.799.SAFE
can direct you to local resources.
—
Amy
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