The year 2000 is coming soon, it is a new millenium and technology and society is changing rapidly. The place for women in the world is better now than it was in the past and I am much happier for it. I am an eighteen year-old male and I'm in currently in college. I know the perception of society about women who cheat, but what concerns is me what will be the perception in the future? I know it seems silly of me to ask this but it is the thoughts of feminists and womens rights activists that later influence thoughts of women in the future. Do feminist find it acceptable? If so, is it justified because of man's indescretion throughout the course of life and should it be justified because of their evil ways? Would be it lady-like in a feminist's point of view? If not then what is? Do you think womens' morality is higher than before or lower? Do feminists in general find morality a blessing or a burden? What should be done from a feminist point of view? Try not to look to me as paranoid, but concerned. Every question I ask to feminists in general. I'm not trying to start any conflict, so if I offend anyone I apologize. Don't ask why I want to know.

Sincerely,

Concerned

Thanks for your note to FEMINIST.COM. I don't think that fidelity is so much a feminist issue--as it is everyone's issue. Also, as I have said repeatedly--feminism is not a monolith, so you aren't going to find one answer on "how feminists feel about fidelity." For instance, in the current issue of Ms. Magazine--there are several articles that talk about adultery--and several quotes from notable feminists on this issue. The conclusion is that everyone feels differently.

Personally, I feel like it is an invididual decision--really however, it is a decision to be made in the couple. For instance, if one person doesn't mind infidelity and the other person does--than they have to come to some conclusion about what they want to do. I also know a few couples who are openly non-monogomous--and that works for their relationship because both of them are. Personally, sexual infidelity doesn't bother me, but emotionaly infidenlity does. However, you never know when the former can grow into the latter. Also, my partner, doesn't believe in infidelity and I can't lie to him. So in order to be true to our relationship, which I want to be, I have to choose not to be non-monogomous.

On a slightly separate note, I do think that we have to start looking at relationships in a new way--because people are living longer than every before. 80 years is a long time to spend with one person--and what's the distinction between a soul mate and a sexual mate. There are so many questions and I think it's up to each individual couple to figure out what is going to work for them. And I trust men and women to be true to their own morality to help them make these decisions. Good luck with your search for some answer

—Amy