home what'snew resources ask amy news activism antiviolence events marketplace aboutus
Ask a Question!
Meet Amy!
Amy's Resource Guide
Ask Amy Main
Most Asked Questions
Reproductive Rights
Sexual Harassment
Violence Against Women
Women's History

I need to know how I can be myself and not be burdened by my old fashioned, conservative boyfriend, and have him not be burdened by me.

When we first met, I told him who I was, that I do what I do and I don't cook everyday, or do womanly things unless I want to. That I am into automechanics, science, and some feminine things too. He seemed to understand. But he never told me that he was like this until I started seeing the signs pop up a few years (lately) later. Now I am in love with him and a few things have happened that we had a fight over, like I wanted to drive. He didn't want me to. I hadn't driven in months, just let him drive me. But he wouldn't give up the fight. He has a new truck now and his macho-ness is sticking out, he seems to be another person than what I knew before.

Another note, his mother is very submissive and I knew deep inside that he would try to be like his father, dominant. But I asked him and he said no, he wouldn't try to constrict who I am by being dominant. But it's showing.

Should I just be myself and let the relationship float as it may? Thank you for hearing me.

My warmest regards,



I think that you are right to be cautious and aware of how things are compared to how things were supposed to be. Some of it could be growing pains, you are being challenged because he has more conventional ideals and he is likely being challenged because he has fallen in love with someone who is more progressive than he is.

I think the nature of relationships is that push and pull, of course, but the bliss has to out weight the strife and that's the thing to pay attention to. At what point is it too much work, or at what point is it the history of love, not living in the moment that keeps you together. I think there are bound to be times when you feel more needy and less willing to hold your ground and vice versa, you feel more compromised and less willing to give.

Keeping the conversation open and going is what's crucial. I hope that helps...just a few observations, though I certainly can't pretend to actual have insight into your relationship.

Good luck figuring it all out,

- Amy