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I am a thirty-three year old self-proclaimed feminist who also happens to be a married mother of 3 living in the suburbs.

I have a bachelor's degree in psychology from a very liberal institution where I took many women studies classes. My problem is that I feel like I'm living in an enlightened bubble where everyone else is oblivious to the sexism that surrounds us. I have female friends who I try to talk to about the ERA or patriarchal God-talk and they look at me like I'm crazy. Meanwhile, I'm ready to pull my hair out because I feel like I'm the only one who knows what is really going on.

To ensure I'm not losing my mind, I read my Ms. magazines, The Feminine Mystique, The Dance of the Dissident Daughter , Nickled and Dimed, and currently Manifesta , among many others.

I am very well versed in the struggles and objectives of the past and current feminist movements: however, I am not involved firsthand. Nor do I ever converse with other humans (excluding authors and myself) on these subjects. I would like to connect with other people in my area who care about these issues like I do but I am having a hard time finding people in my town who relate. I don't have a NOW nearby, so how else could I get involved with a group of women who share my views and who wish to actively get involved in the cause? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,




Dear Kelly --

I wish that I could connect all of the people who write to me with letters like yours. I could connect some of your virtually, but it just doesn't seem to be as satisfying.

One thought is to reach out via meetups.com -- when I first heard about the site -- mostly through the Howard Dean campaign, I was shocked that I hadn't started it because it was just what I needed at Ask Amy, a way to connect all of the disparate people who reach out to me at Ask Amy with a desire to get connected/get involved.

Beyond that -- there are book clubs, knitting circles -- all are really just an excuse to get together -- and usually among politically minded people. If something doesn't exist in your community -- initiate it. It's very likely that others feel exactly like you do and will welcome that someone else took the initiative. I hope that helps.

And also, your note seemed very apropos to my current book project -- Opting In: The Case for Motherhood and Feminism. I haven't written it yet, but I might be back in touch since you seem like a good subject.

Thanks again for reaching out and good luck connecting with others.

-- Amy

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