EMBRACING YOUR POWER WOMAN
AT MID-LIFE AND BEYOND
by Barbara Wilder
STEP THREE - THE POWER OF SELF-TRUST
(Excerpt from Embracing Your Power Woman: 11 Steps to Coming of Age in Mid-Live by Barbara Wilder
ďYou were born Godís original. Donít try to become someoneís copy.Ē
-- Marian Wright Edelman
To trust ourselves we must know ourselves. Self-knowledge is the key to self-trust. Therefore, to embrace the Power of Self-trust, we must first take a look at self-doubt. We are all adept at it. By the time we reach midlife we have accumulated enormous experience with self-doubt. And the amazing thing is, weíre often proud of it. We feel constantly driven to get another opinion. We Baby Boomer women buy more magazines and self-help books, and watch and listen to more TV and radio talk shows than any other demographic group in the country. We are constantly trying to find someone else to advise us. We honestly believe that everyone else has a much better grasp of any situation than we do. For the most part, this stems from the amount of fear we embody around making our own decisions.
The fact is that we do know how to make decisions. It will become obvious when you stop for a moment and take stock of your life. If you look back on all the times you were forced by circumstance to make decisions, you will see that the majority of these decisions were the right ones. Time gives us perspective. And perspective is knowledge, which in turn gives us confidence, if we let it.
So now, with years of life experience behind us, itís time to stop listening to others. Itís time to relinquish our dependence on other peopleís opinions and to trust our own knowledge and instinct.
QUESTIONS TO PONDER
- Do you trust yourself?
- Do you think you trust others more than you trust yourself?
- Do you find yourself checking for a second, third, or fourth opinion before making major or even minor decisions? Does this help?
- Have you made choices in your life that you think are stupid? Can you find a way to see them as gifts?
SELF-TRUST AND OUR SPIRIT
We have been raised in a society that has cut itself off from a divine source. We feel at loose ends with no one to whom we can turn for help and guidance. The ďone male godĒ of our culture hasnít necessarily given women much succor, and for the most part, Western society has made science our god.
But women naturally yearn for a connection with a Divine source. And when we become aware that we truly are connected to a Divine Spirit, we can relax a little and see that self-trust is part of trusting in Spirit, our own Spirit in conjunction with a Divine Spirit.
To become aware of your Divine connection to Spirit, think back on your life until you remember an experience you had entailing some form of guidance or help, which came from a place outside the realm of logic. Everyone has these kinds of events in their lives. We often refer to them as miracles. Carl Jung speaks of them as synchronicities.
The best times to search for these irrational, divine moments are during the rough periods in your life. The most difficult of lifeís circumstances -- when we canít control the situation, fix the hurt, or solve the problem -- often force us to surrender to the Divine, because we simply donít have the strength to handle some things on our own. Death, divorce, severe accidents, and money losses are a few of the things that can trigger a Divine intervention.
The responsibility of raising a child can often be overwhelming, especially for very young mothers. There you were, footloose and fancy free, and suddenly the life of this tiny person is given into your care. You know it is your responsibility to keep this baby safe, but the world is a frightening place, and some days it seems like you may not be able to protect your child.
At twenty-two I had an eighteen-month-old son. I lived in a constant state of fear that he would hurt himself and die. One day I took him to the beach for the first time. It was a gorgeous Southern California day. I set my precious baby boy down on a blanket and sat back to watch him experience the beauty of the ocean. The first thing he did was toddle off the blanket and scoop a handful of sand into his mouth. I leapt up and cleaned the sand out of his mouth the best I could and scolded him. Within seconds he was right back at it. I was very upset. I wasnít sure what eating sand would do, but I knew it couldnít be good. Nothing I did or said made the slightest impression on him. I took him into the water to play in the waves, but he just scooped up the wet sand and ate that.
I was becoming exhausted. The only thing I could think to do was take him home, but we were with other people who werenít ready to leave. Then, for no apparent reason, I was enveloped with an overwhelming calm. I sensed that I should stop worrying Ė that my baby would be all right. The knowledge that his life wasnít in my hands popped into my mind like a little epiphany. Someone, somewhere was telling me that the life and death of my child was out of my control. From that moment, I became a more relaxed mother. I learned to let him try things and find out for himself, when it was appropriate. I didnít relinquish my responsibility, but I realized that I wasnít alone. I began to trust that I was doing the very best job I could, and that the rest was not up to me. I have been reminded many times since that I am not alone. And each time I let go to trust Divine Spirit, I am able to trust myself a little more at the same time.
QUESTIONS TO PONDER
- Can you remember a time when you trusted your own judgment completely?
- Have you ever had to give up and just trust that your life or the situation was out of your hands?
is an internationally acclaimed author, teacher, and healer. She is the author of Embracing Your Power Woman: 11 Steps to Coming of Age in Mid-Life and Money is Love: Reconnecting to the Sacred Origins of Money. A former actress, screenwriter, and film production executive, Wilder studied light-energy healing and growth techniques in The School of Actualism, a Hermetic Mystery school based on Agni Yoga & the works of Alice Bailey & Rudolf Steiner. She currently lives in Boulder, Colorado, where she writes, teaches, and maintains her practice as an transformational therapist and light energy healer. For more information on Barbara and her work, please visit her website www.BarbaraWilder.com.
Copyright © 2006 by Barbara Wilder