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Open
Secret
by Elizabeth
Lesser
Excerpted with permission
from Broken
Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow
by Elizabeth Lesser (Villard, May 4, 2004).
Learn the alchemy
true human beings know.
The moment you accept
what troubles you've been given,
the door will open.
-Rumi
How do we begin that journey from Once-Born
innocence to Twice-Born wisdom? Where do
we find the courage to make a big change?
How do we use the forces of a difficult
time to help us grow? There are many ways,
but the first way, the gateway, is to know
that we are not alone in these endeavors.
One of the greatest enigmas of human behavior
is the way we isolate ourselves from each
other. In our misguided perception of separation
we assume that others are not sharing a
similar experience of life. We imagine that
we are unique in our eccentricities or failures
or longings. And so we try to appear as
happy and consistent as we think others
are, and we feel shame when we stumble and
fall. When difficulties come our way, we
don't readily seek out help and compassion
because we think others might not understand,
or they would judge us harshly, or take
advantage of our weakness. And so we hide
out, and we miss out.
We read novels and go to movies and follow
the lives of celebrities in order to imbibe
a kind of full-out living we believe is
out of our reach, or too risky, or just
an illusion. We become voyeurs of the kind
of experiences that our own souls are longing
to have. Here's the oddest thing about living
life as a spectator sport: While the tales
in books and movies and People magazine
may be created with smoke and mirrors, our
own lives don't have to be. We have the
real opportunity to live fully, with passion
and meaning and profound satisfaction. Within
us-burning brighter than any movie star-is
our own star, our North Star, our soul.
It is our birthright to uncover the soul-to
remove the layers of fear or shame or apathy
or cynicism that conceal it. A good place
to start, and a place we come back to over
and over again, is what Rumi calls the Open
Secret.
Jelalluddin Rumi wrote poems so alive and
clear that even today-eight centuries later-they
shimmer with freshness. Their wisdom and
humor are timeless; whenever I have an a-ha
moment with one of Rumi's poems, I feel
connected to the people throughout the ages
who have climbed out of their confusion
on the rungs of Rumi's words.
In several of his poems and commentaries,
Rumi speaks of the Open Secret. He says
that each one of us is trying to hide a
secret-not a big, bad secret, but a more
subtle and pervasive one. It's the kind
of secret that people in the streets of
Istanbul kept from each other in the 13th
century, when Rumi was writing his poetry.
It's what I imagine Einstein tried to hide
from his neighbors in Princeton, and they
from him. And it's the same kind of secret
that you and I keep from each other every
day. You meet an old acquaintance, and she
asks, "How are you?" You say,
"Fine!" She asks, "How are
the kids?" You say, "Oh, they're
great." "The job?" "Just
fine. I've been there five years now."
Then, you ask that person, "How are
you?" She says, "Fine!" You
ask, "Your new house?" "I
love it." "The new town?"
"We're all settling in."
It's a perfectly innocent exchange of ordinary
banter; each one of us has a similar kind
every day. But it is probably not an accurate
representation of our actual lives. We don't
want to say that one of the kids is failing
in school, or that our work often feels
meaningless, or that the move to the new
town may have been a colossal mistake. It's
almost as if we are embarrassed by our most
human traits. We tell ourselves that we
don't have time to go into the gory details
with everyone we meet; we don't know each
other well enough; we don't want to appear
sad, or confused, or weak, or self-absorbed.
Better to keep under wraps our neurotic
and nutty sides (not to mention our darker
urges and shameful desires.) Why wallow
publicly in the underbelly of our day-to-day
stuff? Why wave the dirty laundry about,
when all she asked was, "How are you?"
Rumi says that when we hide the secret underbelly
from each other, then both people go away
wondering, "How come she has it all
together? How come her marriage/job/town/family
works so well? What's wrong with me?"
We feel vaguely diminished from this ordinary
interaction, and from hundreds of similar
interactions we have from month to month
and year to year. When we don't share the
secret ache in our hearts-the normal bewilderment
of being human-it turns into something else.
Our pain, and fear, and longing, in the
absence of company, become alienation, and
envy, and competition.
The irony of hiding the dark side of our
humanness is that our secret is not really
a secret at all. How can it be when we're
all safeguarding the very same story? That's
why Rumi calls it an Open Secret. It's almost
a joke-a laughable admission that each one
of us has a shadow self-a bumbling, bad-tempered
twin. Big surprise! Just like you, I can
be a jerk sometimes. I do unkind, cowardly
things, harbor unmerciful thoughts, and
mope around when I should be doing something
constructive. Just like you, I wonder if
life has meaning; I worry and fret over
things I can't control; and I often feel
overcome with a longing for something that
I cannot even name. For all of my strengths
and gifts, I am also a vulnerable and insecure
person, in need of connection and reassurance.
This is the secret I try to keep from you,
and you from me, and in doing so, we do
each other a grave disservice.
Rumi tells us that moment we accept what
troubles we've been given, the door
will open. Sounds easy, sounds attractive,
but it is difficult, and most of us pound
on the door to freedom and happiness with
every manipulative ploy save the one that
actually works. If you're interested in
the door to the heavens opening, start with
the door to your own secret self. See what
happens when you offer to another a glimpse
of who you really are. Start slowly. Without
getting dramatic, share the simple dignity
of yourself in each moment-your triumphs
and your failures, your satisfaction and
your sorrow. Face your embarrassment at
being human, and you'll uncover a deep well
of passion and compassion. It's a great
power, your Open Secret. When your heart
is undefended you make it safe for whomever
you meet to put down his burden of hiding,
and then you both can walk through the open
door.
Excerpted with permission
from Broken
Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow
by Elizabeth Lesser (Villard, May 4, 2004)
.
Other excerpts from Broken
Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow
by Elizabeth Lesser:
Excerpts from The
Seeker's Guide by Elizabeth Lesser:
Copyright © 2004 by
Elizabeth Lesser
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Elizabeth Lesser is the co-founder
and senior advisor of Omega
Institute, this country's largest adult
education center focusing on health, wellness,
spirituality, and creativity. She is the
author of Broken
Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow
and
The New American Spirituality: A Seeker's
Guide (published in paperback with the
title The
Seeker's Guide.) For 30 years she has
studied and worked with leading figures
in the field of healing-healing self and
healing society. She attended Barnard College
and San Francisco State University. Previous
to her work at Omega, she was a midwife
and birth educator. The mother of three
sons, she lives in the Hudson Valley with
her husband.
ABOUT OMEGA INSTITUTE
Omega Institute
is a holistic education center at the forefront
of personal and professional development,
dedicated to "awakening the best in
the human spirit." More that 20,000
participants attend workshops and conferences
each year on its 140-acre campus in Rhinebeck,
New York, as well as at sites throughout
the United States, including it's new center,
The Crossings in Austin, Texas, and through
travel programs in St. John, Virgin Islands,
and Costa Rica. Founded in 1977, Omega is
recognized worldwide for its broad-based
curriculum and its unique community spirit.
Its course work includes holistic
health trainings for medical professionals
and lay people, spiritual retreats, sports
clinics, cross-cultural arts workshops,
and a wide variety of classes in human development.
www.eomega.org
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