Name is Sheri, I was sort of
molested, by a friend. When
I was 7, my Mom babysat my neighbors
kids. The oldest one was 9.
He touched me and my brother,
me more so then him. Anyway,
his little brother told my Mom
and it was over. I had to make
a statement to police, but,
never had to go to court. I'm
16 now, and I keep having flashbacks
of this and they won't go away.
I'm so embarrassed because it's
like nothing to everyone else
now. Is this normal what should
I do? I don't want to talk to
any one I know about it because
it's too embarrassing. I actually
had a crush on this guy, and
I thought at the time that's
what I was supposed to do. You
see, he never raped me so, I
didn't think it was that bad
until I started having flashbacks.
for your note to FEMINIST.COM.
First, I'm so sorry that you
had to experience this when
you were 7--and now again be
so painfully reminded of it
when you are 16. Although, I
was not personally molested
some of my closest friends were--and
because of the nature of my
work, which is broadly "women,"
I know that what you are experiencing
is very common. In many instances
we suppress these experiences
because we can't deal with them
or because we don't have the
means to understand what has
happened. These memories resurface
when we are experiencing something
similar, when we can no longer
avoid it or when someone helps
us to remember him or her. There
are a few great books out there
that can help you with this--and
also some resources on-line.
Some books you might want to
reference are: Judith Herman's--Father
Daughter Incest, and
Trauma and Recovery;
and Ellen Bass and Laura Davis'
The Courage to Heal.
You can order these books through
bookstore. Also, if
you look through past "Ask Amy's"
you will see other resources
that might be of help to you.
So you know that it isn't just
me, I also wanted to share the
thoughts of another FEMINIST.COM
would EMPHASIZE that her feelings
of embarrassment, fear and confusion
are so normal. I would also
say that she should not in any
way feel bad or, more importantly,
responsible for what happened.
Obviously, it had a big impact
on her and going forward from
here is what's most important.
You should probably advise her
to seek the advice of a counselor,
especially if she doesn't feel
comfortable talking to anyone
she knows about this. I would
try to help her find a resource
in her area."
hope this helps. If not, please
let me know how we can be of further