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Violence

Hello,

My name is Laurie. I am a victim of rape but I really have no way to prove it. I was raped by my father when I was 17 yrs old, about 3 weeks before my 18th birthday. I do remember the incident very well even though it happened when he believed I was sleeping.

I am 28 yrs old now and I have tried to go on with my life wondering if this was real or a delusion, which many try to tell me it was, but I know for a fact it wasn't. The reason many are trying to convince me that is because he was in law enforcement at the time and it would have affected his career and embarrassed him tremendously, but I continue to go on depressed and trying to be a mother and wife and this nightmare is destroying my life. I cannot enjoy intercourse with my husband because I get nervous and scared.

To make the situation even worse I know that my mother was continuously raped by him because she confided in my aunt who did tell me that it had occurred numerous times and that it was true. My sister was killed by a train in September 1991, three days after her 15th birthday. Her death has been a mystery as to why her and another girl were on the railroad tracks that day, but I have witnessed on numerous occasions my father beating her/us and never letting her do anything. No one seems to ever talk about my sister and never brings her death up at all I truly feel he may have had something to do with her death. I have no idea how to go any further with this information but I know I am up for a battle and I do not want to face it alone.

Could you possible be able to help me or refer me to someone I can talk to.

Sincerely,

Laurie

 

Laurie,

Unfortunately, I am not sure what can be done in terms of legal justice. There are a few cases of sexual abuse/assault that have been successfully brought after the fact, on the grounds that the memory was suppressed, and though these fall outside of the usual statute of limitations (approx. 3 years), the proof of lapsed memory has been allowed. That doesn't sound exactly like your situation, and even if it were an ideal situation, it's very unlikely that you would be able to have a strong case.

Sadly, the laws really work against the way most rape cases play out, and as a result the majority of cases aren't resolved favorably. I often advise people that they need to figure out what would resolve the situation for them: do they need to vent, just vocalize what happen; out the person; confront the person; work in the name of ending rape against others? It's very different for every person, and sometimes just talking about it is enough, but often times people want more, but what that is, in lieu of legal justice, is really only up for you to determine. Given the possible connection to your sister’s death, I’m sensing that you feel the need to just confront him on this, but I could be wrong. And I can also just add that it is certainly common for folks in law enforcement to manipulate cases. At Ask Amy alone I see this very frequently.

Sorry I don't have an answer, but as you know, this has to come from you.

Take care

-- Amy