home what'snew resources ask amy news activism antiviolence events marketplace aboutus
Ask a Question!
Meet Amy!
Amy's Resource Guide
Ask Amy Main
TOPICS
Feminism
Girls/Children
Health
International
Media
Miscellaneous
Most Asked Questions
Politics
Reproductive Rights
Sexual Harassment
Violence Against Women
Women's History
Work/Career
   
 


 
Violence

My best friend has a sister who has been in an abusive relationship for several years now. It is mental and physical abuse. It has gotten to the point recently to where last week she was fearing for her life, because she suspected him of slipping something into her coffee in the morning and yesterday she called and told Eddie's mother and father that she never wanted to speak to them again. This man has total control over her now, and Eddie's parents are fearing that one day she is just going to disappear or kill herself.  Eddie's parents have gone to New York (they live in Texas) to pick her up, but he follows her and threatens her with the children. She has left and come back to Texas, but the same thing happens. The problem is, her husband is a FBI snitch.  He has the backing of the FBI.  Whenever she tries to escape her phone is tapped and her car has a tracking device on it, and there are guards that are supposed to watch her at all times.  Can you help and give some advice to the issue, or do you know of an underground network she and perhaps her children can escape through.

 

Sorry to hear about your friend's situation. Sadly, it's not uncommon and though I haven't heard of too many cases of the FBI getting in the way, I often hear about Police Officers who put up the same obstacles. I think it's important to help the woman first before worrying about properly punishing him. And abusive situations aren't unlike drug and alcohol abuse — people really have to learn stop the problem for themselves, rather than being forced into it — otherwise, they are likely to slip back into the "habit." Abusive situations are the same thing — people stay because it feels familiar and even though it's negative attention, it's attention. The way you step away from that is by realizing that you deserve more. Also, people sometimes stay, too, because they don't want the other person to get in trouble. Even when they know that they were wronged and that the other person did them damage, they don't to see them hurt.

This is all to say that I would encourage your friend to stay focused on helping his sister and getting her to realize that she deserves better. This comes from the support of friends and family, but also through support groups. You can find some in your area by calling (800) 799 SAFE — and this are often great settings because the women stop blaming themselves for tolerating it — they see others like them and realize they aren't alone.

Amy