I am happily married and my husband and I are discussing the idea of having children. As a feminist, I kept my last name when we married and have never regretted that decision, but as we thinking about kids, we have run across problems.
I accept (but don’t like) that our children will have my husband’s last name but as half of the child’s parentage (and the half that carries the baby for nine months and then goes through the pain of childbirth), I feel that my name should be represented as well. I have suggested that our children have two middle names, with my last name being the second of those names. My husband refuses to do this and says that he will compromise by giving our children my last name as their only middle name. I disagree because I would like to be able to use other names (my mother’s and his mother’s family names) as middle names. Plus, I don’t want each of my kids to have the same middle name.
This angers me to such an extent that I am rethinking the idea of having kids at all. I feel that I have offered a generous compromise, as I realize that my last name (as the child’s second middle name) will probably drop off and not be used. For me, it’s the fact that it’s there at all. My husband thinks that it will be too difficult for a kid to have four names and seems to believe that it is selfish of me to force them to have to go through the difficulty of having so many names just so that I can include my name. I am starting to wonder if I want to have children at all with someone who takes for granted that his name will be passed along but disregards that idea that mine would even be included. I love my husband very much, though, and, deep down, I would like to have kids. I don’t know what to do.