I'm having a hard time finding a place with people.
I'm a male, but far from being a traditional
male. I've actually taken several quizzes,
both official and unofficial, to test my "mental
gender" and I am about 90% feminine mentally.
I don't know what to do about this, because
I want to be like other guys. I feel like an
outcast because I know nothing about sports
or cars (nor do I want to), I don't drink or
smoke and I prefer home design, art, shopping,
etc... as fun activities and topics.
However, at the same time I'm very distanced
with girls because most of them don't want to
hang out with some guy that isn't up to their "standard." I
don't think I have low-self esteem, but I do
realize I'm far from being good looking and I
know it is because of genes from my father. I'm
only 20 but I already look like I'm in my late
twenties, I'm only 5'6" tall and I have
facial physically unattractive features (big
forehead, big nose, weak chin, etc..). Girls
my age don't really want to be around me because
of these aspects and I've also had girls call
me the ugliest guy they've ever seen in their
whole life on their livejournals, behind my back
and in clubs.
I don't know what to do, because I do have a
handful of friends... all of which I am close
to, but feel distant mentally from them because
they are "typical guys" and want to
do things I don't really want to do. The thing
that makes it even worse is a lot of the girls
I've known in both highschool and college weren't
even very feminine like I am, most are very masculine..
even more so then some men.
Sometimes I can't help but think that girls just
don't care about guys who aren't good looking...
like they see guys like us as being "less" human.
I've had many experiences that would suggest
this, not just by me but by guys I know who are
ugly and are also automatically treated bad by
women. Some girls don't even seem to realize
they have a deep double standard. At least the
guys I've known act equally nice to average Jane's
and I've never seen guys act cold or even refuse
a non-attractive girl.
I'm hoping I'm wrong about girls. I'm hoping
girls are a lot more caring than I've seen in
the last five to eight years of my life throughout
my teenage and young adult years. In books and
on television girls/women seem so much different
then the ones I see in real life. Fictional girls
seem caring whereas the girls I've known seem
just as bad as men or worse. I don't have specific
question of all of this except asking if you
were in my position what would you do? Please