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To whom it may concern,

My Fiance and I are both survivors of incest. I am having a very hard time finding places for him to go so that he may heal.

Often he becomes very hurt by many people assuming that because he is a male he is the perp. In reality he was a little boy and his sister and aunt abused him the same way my father did myself. He is hurting just as bad and needs somewhere to turn so that he might realize that he is NOT a "creep". He was a nine year old that was taken advantage of and there is a community of people who can both relate and share in his need to be accepted and heal.

Please send us some links. I can not stand to watch myself getting help and he still feels like a "plaything". He really needs to know he is not alone so that he might seek the counseling that he needs. This society and many others has a long road ahead in changing the definition of a "man". Thank you...Terri

Terri --

Sadly, I know that there are few resources for men. There use to be a great group in Oakland, CA -- The Oakland Men's Project and a tiny portion of what they did was to help men in abusive situations, but I'm told they don't exist anymore. Also, The Courage to Heal and Judith Herman tackle men as victims. It's certainly addressed within feminist circles to the extent that men and women are both abused and this abuse manifests itself different in each gender -- men tend to (though certainly not always) become abusive and women tend to find themselves in abusive situations. But beyond identifying this, I'm not sure what resources exist. Certainly, if you find something comprehensive let me know. And it probably is obvious, but your support of your finance probably goes further than anything formal. What seems to make the difference to most people is being heard and trusted and thus earning the trust of others.

I hope that helps -- good luck to both of you,

- Amy