I just started reading "History of the
Wife" and am realizing what all the traditions
in a wedding ceremony symbolize (male ownership).
I was interested in finding a guide to a feminist
ceremony. When my friends and I have talked about
weddings and all of that stuff, I've always said
I wouldn't want a big to-do and that I'd even
just go to a court house and they've almost gotten
mad at me for thinking that way. Now I have even
better reasons to break with tradition.
I Googled 'feminist wedding ceremony' and didn't
get any help there, so I'm turning to you. I
really liked your book Grassroots. Thanks!
Autumn -- I have actually had the idea to do
a feminist guide to weddings, but haven't quite
gotten there on my to do list yet. I really wanted
to do something along the lines of a "friends
guide to friend's weddings," essentially
how you negotiate this, especially as a feminist
seeing her friends make traditional choices that
seem counter to their instincts, but just in
general, what are the rules?
I actually don't know of any guide that can help
you -- it might be best to look for something
under gay and lesbian weddings as those are presumed
to be inherently more feminist, though that hasn't
entirely been my experience. In general, I think
it's just really important to just create what
you want rather than deconstruct what exists
-- for instance, if you want to splurge on a
dress what would it be -- maybe it would be a
white, long dress, but maybe it would be something
else? If you have someone who is closer to you
than your father -- i.e. your mother, an aunt,
a friend -- how about all of them standing up
with you. And it's also important to remember
that marriage is a legal contract and wedding's
have few boundaries -- it's the celebration,
so there are no rules. Even if you want a religious
element, that isn't what makes it a marriage.
I hope that helps and perhaps just sharing notes
with others about what they want/don't want will
help you figure this out. Good luck and have
fun -- Amy
P.S. Glad you liked Grassroots!