I checked your website and didn't see any topics addressing my concern. I have a relatively new stepson (I moved in a year ago) who is now 12 years old. He's in the 7th grade. Overall he's a delightful, caring boy, who's not yet interested in dating. I'll call him Jake for the sake of this letter although that's not his real name.

Jake has some disturbingly sexist views. I suspect he learned these from his mom's ex-husband, who was abusive. Jake spent many of his formative years living most of the time with his mom and the stepfather.

His dad (my husband) now has 90% custody of Jake. My husband has never taken any feminist theory. I have, but I am struggling to find the right words to talk to my stepson and my husband to make it clear how important this is. Do you know of any resources I could use, or good books on this topic?

Here's some examples so you get an idea of what I'm talking about. I had a Ms. magazine open on the kitchen table to a page talking about rape in the military. Jake is not familiar with that magazine, but saw some of the statistics and said, "That's really dumb. It's not true that women get raped in the military. Women are always complaining." Or he had a school assignment about Susan B Anthony and had to interview a working woman. He said that was the stupidest assignment he's ever had. Thanks so much for your ideas!

Thanks for reaching out to feminist.com and every day when I take my children to school, I pass this billboard at a local bus stop, which has a picture of a teen boy looking tough with oversized clothing and it says in quotes "Eat Your Vegetables" "Do Your Homework" and biggest of all "Respect Women" and then says something to the effect of — parents need to make it their priority. It's brilliant and wonderful and it always makes me pause and think.

In general, I think you can just ask him questions - not in judgmental way, but out of curiosity. For instance, asking "what about that is stupid?" Just something so he is forced to think for himself what he means. It's important for him and you to distinguish if he is saying something just to say it or saying it because he really means it. Often times, they don't really know what they are saying.

On the women and work question, perhaps even saying "do you think men should work?" and do you think women should work. I think these simple probing will be good for him — and maybe you, too. I just think it's best to not make kids feel lectured to, but validated and engaged.

— Amy