have detailed the story, I am sympathetic to
both "sides." As for insight, your
daughter might be basing her strong stance too
much on what she has gleamed from other weddings.
I personally know of one too many stories when
the parents of the bridge overtake the entire
wedding — they are given an inch and take
a mile. So perhaps you just need to ask her about
a specific number or specific invitees and now
just ask for blanket permission to invite friends.
She is probably also being realistic about money
and doesn't want to spend money on those who
she doesn't feel as attached to. Perhaps you
can get your daughter to pinpoint why exactly
she doesn't want your friends there — is
it money, precedent, conflicting with her image
or her wedding or her desire to have a small
wedding. I can understand all of those reasons — as
I am sure you can, too — so perhaps you
just need to give her space to articulate that.
Also, I understand how important this day is
for you and how you want to have your special
people there. Perhaps once you get your daughter
to break it down you can find a way to have some
friends there. And if that's not possible— can
you offer to throw a party the night before or
even an engagement party now?