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Girls/ Children

Amy,

I was wondering how you and other feminists feel about women wanting to stay at home and raise a family. As an example, feminists in years past have "forced" a law to eliminate the one family income tax credit which, in the end, makes it very difficult to have a child on one income. Granted, this was done years ago, but obviously is still very much supported. This makes life much harder for those of us who want to stay at home to raise our children. It is in my opinion, as well as many other women and men, that the greatest job any women could ever have is to raise her children and not rely on other people such as day care providers to raise them for us. Don't get me wrong. Women should have choices, but those choices should include ALL choices. Not just the ones that the so-called "Feminists" support. If you were a "feminist" then you would certainly support a mother wanting to stay at home as well as any women who wants to go out and work.

Many women that I know, including myself, have been raised by day care providers themselves, while our mothers went out to work. I'm here to tell you that it isn't worth it for the children. Women have become so selfish and want to prove their point so badly that in the end it is the children who lose out.

I do not live an extravagant life nor do I wish to. My husband and I have a small rancher, and make a decent living (with both incomes). We both went to college and have good jobs. But if I had a child right now, (I'm 30 years old) I would be unable to "make the choice" to stay at home and raise him or her. What I want to know is, how is it that "feminists" have made life so much harder for women to "Make the Choice" to stay at home. And why do so many children have to be raised by someone other than their own family? And please tell me why that women like myself, are "looked down upon" because of this choice. It seems as if the feminist movement has gone too far and is now, in some senses, moving in the wrong direction.

Sincerely,

Kelly

   

Kelly --

In general, feminism is supportive of women and men who make the choice to be full-time parents. What feminism has fought for is that full-time mothering not be the only option for women, as it was historically. Also, feminism wants to ensure that it's a choice equally open to men and women. The obstacle today isn't feminism, but the economy -- who can afford to live off one income? The other obstacle is a state of mind, which is yours and tangible -- and thus can only by rectified by one's own thinking.

On the economy -- feminism has fought to give child-rearing value and also to ensure that poorer women who use government subsidies to raise their children be allowed to do so and not be vilified. Also, what has been revealed is that it's not always in the child's best interest to be at home with one full-time parent -- it creates an inequality between the two parents and it often smothers the child -- studies consistently prove that what seems to be best for children is to have their parents doing a combination of work and family. The challenge is for each woman to do what is appropriate for her unique situation. I hope that between you and your husband you can find a way to make that work.

Good luck,

- Amy