My name is Kristina.
I have a 14 year old sister
who seems to be going
through a very rough, not normal, time of young
teenage development. She
turned 14 a week ago and yesterday she was having
cramps so my mom took her to the emergency room
and she was having a miscarriage. We just found
out that she was sexually active and up until
she met her recent boyfriend a couple of months
ago she liked girls.
She dresses gothic and has a very sad and mysterious
look in her eyes.
My mother and I are extremely worried about
her future and well-being. And my mom doesn't
know what to do because she cusses and acts like
she rules the world. Neither of us can seem to
get through to her and we don't want to pressure
her so much that she shuts us out. If there is
any advice that could possibly help us get her
out of this trouble we would greatly appreciate
Your sister's behavior actually
seems somewhat consistent with what I see --
mostly just that she seems to be trying on different
identities and pushing boundaries. I meet tons
of teens who go through this and luckily most
of them eventually land somewhere or in some
identity that is fitting and less dangerous.
The bisexuality is pretty common, at least the
trying out relationships with both genders and
for most people one eventually sticks. The sex
is also not uncommon -- I think that the feeling
of immortality and invincibility are common for
this age and sex is part of that.
The main thing
that I would be worried about is if she doesn't
have anyone to talk to or trust -- you don't
want her to retreat so far into herself that
she has no perspective or escape. Isolation and
also challenging adult relationships seems pretty
much a part of being a teenager, but what I have
seen makes the difference between those who get
through it and those who self-destruct, is having
someone, anyone as an outlet -- to help give
you perspective in a non-judgmental format. I'm
not sure what your relationship is, but siblings
can certainly be that person.
Good luck -- and I would just recommend that
you listen without judging and hopefully earn