|
Thanks
for your note to FEMINIST.COM--and
especially for reaching out,
there is nothing like feeling
alone. My boyfriend's aren't
as bad as your in-laws, but
I have felt the need to over-justify
my work as I think they view
it as "unnecessary." Some of
this may be internal feelings
on my part--feeling like I constantly
have to justify who I am and
reading into what they say,
but I think some of it is also
real. I say this as a way of
offering another way to look
at this.
However,
I do the reality is that they
want to reject your feminism
because they have a sense of
what it could produce, which
they foresee as a challenge
to their roles in life. For
instance, they may be wrongfully
assuming that you are judging
choices they have made--choices
that perhaps weren't informed
by feminism. Given all of that,
it seems like you have three
options:
1.) to keep taking it, but that
doesn't seem to solve anything
and perhaps only inflates their
assumption that they are "right."
2.) You can be sarcastic--but
again, I don't think that will
work in the long-term, but in
the short-term it might produce
some results. For instance,
the next time they make such
comments, you could say, "I
thought you were strong enough
to not let my beliefs hurt you,
but it seems that they have
touched an insecurity within
you." Or more to the point,
perhaps point out what freedoms
they might have in their lives
as a way of saying--wouldn't
that be great for everyone.
Or on the other side, pointing
out what is missing in their
lives as a way their not wanting
other people to enjoy what they
didn't have--self-hating gets
you no where.
3.) You could try for empathy
or sincerity.
Actually, there is a 4th option,
actually, I'm sure there are
many options, but a 4th could
be that you could play along
and do as some Girlies do--and
reclaim girl things. For instance,
when they say she kicks like
a girl, you could say--girl
is good--you go girl--or something
to that affect.
I hope that helps--good luck.
—Amy
|
