Nearly two years ago I found
out that my husband of 11 years (at the
time) had been viewing violent/rape/incest
oriented pornography. He knew well my lack
of tolerance of all forms of pornography
and my feelings toward violence and victimization
of women and children.
I'd always suspected
that he was sexually abused as a child
and through limited counseling after discovering
the pornography, it was confirmed to me
by our counselor, although I don't know
the full details. It's been a very difficult
two years as I'm unable to get the images
out of my mind, or understand why or how
a nice/gentle/supportive man can look at
that sort of pornography.
I need a resource
that can provide information on the connection
of sexual abuse of men and violent/rape/incest
oriented pornography and ways that a feminist
wife can live happily after discovering
something like this.
I recommend you reference
the work of Diana Russell and Catherine
MacKinnon. Both have made some of these
connections, linking pornography and sexual
abuse, and also pornography with potential
violent behavior. Also, Judith Herman has
done extensive research on incest and child
sexual abuse, which might be helpful, especially
for approaching it from the "cause" or "root".
It would certainly make sense given
that the pattern for most men who are
sexually abused, they repeat that violent
behavior because it's what feels familiar,
maybe not directly the abuse, but dominant
or controlling situations. I'm sorry
that you had to experience that, but
certainly glad that you didn't tolerate
it and are on the healing side of things.